The Spiritual Illness

In my first year and a half of recovery, my understanding of the first
step was quite different from what it is today. Then, it was a generic
idea of being powerless to my drinking and using. I thought my abnormal
physical reaction to drugs and alcohol, or phenomenon of craving, made
me powerless, and my mental obsession for more no matter what made my
life unmanageable. With this logic, once the mental obsession was removed
I would no longer put alcohol and drugs in my body, thus no abnormal reaction,
and my life would become manageable. All went well for 18 months but then
something began to transpire — I became disconnected from my first step. I was easily annoyed by individuals
and circumstances and had this overwhelming notion that I would never
be satisfied.

But first, it’s crucial that you understand the difference between a spiritual experience and a religious one. While I could go on forever on the differences between these two ideas, I’ll keep it as simple as possible. We
realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though
we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like
ourselves, were sick too.

Cultivating Connections in Recovery: Fellowship and a Higher Power

It leads to judgment, isolation, and a feeling of superiority. None of these things are conducive to a healthy recovery. It is strange paradox, the more you focus on helping others, the more you discover how much you matter. Without a connection to a higher power, it can get quite ugly in sobriety. Regardless of how it manifests itself, a spiritual malady is always rooted in an inner conflict. This inner conflict can be caused by many different things, such as childhood trauma, unresolved grief, or trauma related to addiction.

Anyone can be spiritually maladapted, but as an alcoholic, we use alcohol to deal with having a spiritual malady. Many people say that alcoholics have a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. There are as many different definitions of what spirituality means as there are alcoholics in recovery.

Take Your First Step To Recovery

When I put alcohol and drugs in my body, I lose power, choice, and control
over how much. When I sobered up, and I always did, I could not stay away
from the first one no matter how great the necessity or the wish to do
so — this is my physical and mental powerlessness. They are symptoms
that erupt out of a broken, unmanageable internal condition brought on
by my spiritual malady. The program and our personal relationship with
God treat the internal condition and arrest the mental and physical components
of the illness.

People like us are obsessed with the thought of controlling and enjoying our drugs or alcohol. The biggest problem is that our mind buys the lie that the next time it will be different. You deserve it and the consequences are not important.

things I wish I knew at 25 (now that I’m

For others, it may manifest as anger, anxiety, or depression. A spiritual malady is a deep-seated inner conflict that leads to restlessness, https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/you-are-not-powerless-over-alcohol-and-heres-why/ irritability, and discontentment. It is a sense of “otherness” that keeps us from feeling at peace with ourselves and the world around us.

• The program and our personal relationship with
  God treat the internal condition and arrest the mental and physical components
  of the illness.
• When we have the first sip of a drink, or whiff of a drug, it is then controlling our bodies.
• To conclude, it’s not my body — my allergic reaction to alcohol — that’s going to take me back to drinking.
• What can that statement possibly mean to an agnostic?

We couldn’t understand why the people surrounding us could feel happiness or contentment, so we turned to drugs and alcohol as a means of self-medicating our perceived shortcomings. From our time spent feeding our addictions, we feel that the opposite begins to happen. Rather than providing a feeling of relief, spiritual malady we find ourselves in a perpetual “dark night of the soul,” cut off from any sense of spiritual comfort. This can seem a little confusing to newcomers, who believe that they only have a problem with food. They do not understand why it is being suggested they read a book they believe to be for alcoholics.

As we work towards this state of selflessness we find that we are slowly being relieved of the hopeless alcoholic state we once thought we were doomed to be in forever. It is constant maintenance of being spiritually connected with a god of your understanding. Once we are aware of these feelings, we can begin the real work on ourselves. It is not easy to do so but recognizing this aspect of alcoholism forces us to take an honest look in the mirror at our behaviors and attitudes toward life and other people. People in the rooms refer to this as a ‘god-sized hole’.

• Thoughts like we can eventually manage our lives while in active addiction.
• They may start to skip meetings, distance themselves from their support system, and eventually relapse.
• This can seem a little confusing to newcomers, who believe that they only have a problem with food.
• We couldn’t understand why the people surrounding us could feel happiness or contentment, so we turned to drugs and alcohol as a means of self-medicating our perceived shortcomings.
• As you grow in your sobriety and learn more about yourself, you may find that your concept of a Higher Power changes as well.